If you've never heard the term financial infidelity, it doesn't mean you don't know what it is.
In fact, according to a recent Bankrate survey, 40% or 2 out of every 5 Americans in committed relationships admit they have financially cheated on their partner or spouse.
Both money and infidelity are emotionally charged topics. When you put them together, conversations can feel uncomfortable, even with the person you trust most.
That discomfort often shows up more acutely among high-income couples, where complexity, uneven earnings, bonuses, business interests, and investments create greater opportunities for secrecy.
We wrote this article in the hope that if there are small seeds of financial secrecy in your relationship, you can recognize them early, talk about them honestly, and address them before they grow into something more damaging.
If you recognize these patterns in a close friend or family member, you may be better equipped to help them strengthen both their financial partnership and their relationship.
Watch the video to learn more about financial infidelity — what it is, why people engage in it, how it manifests in relationships, and what you can do if you experience it — or keep reading:
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner in a committed relationship makes significant financial decisions or withholds financial information without the other’s knowledge. This can include spending, saving, debt, or investments that are intentionally kept secret.
While the dollar amounts may vary, the emotional impact often doesn’t. Nearly 45% of those surveyed agree that financial secrecy can be just as painful to a relationship as physical infidelity. The damage isn’t caused by the transaction itself; it’s caused by the breach of trust.
Financial infidelity tends to decline with age, but it’s far from uncommon at any stage of life.
Among generations, 67% of Gen Zers, 54% of millennials (ages 29-44), 33% of Gen Xers (ages 45-60), and 30% of baby boomers (ages 61-79) with significant others have kept financial secrets from their partners.
Interestingly, many younger adults consider financial infidelity worse than cheating. That perspective reinforces what we often see in client conversations: money decisions are deeply tied to values, safety, and partnership.
Several factors contribute to higher rates among younger couples (GenZers and millennials):
It’s easy to assume financial infidelity stems from poor money habits. In reality, the issue usually runs deeper.
Like other forms of infidelity, financial secrecy is rooted in a lack of trust or a lack of safety in discussing money openly. Sometimes it’s about control. Sometimes it’s embarrassment or fear of judgment. Other times, it’s a learned behavior shaped by how money was handled growing up.
In many relationships where financial infidelity exists, the ability to talk openly about money simply isn’t there. Decisions are made unilaterally, not collaboratively, and avoidance replaces communication.
Financial infidelity isn’t limited to overspending. Hiding savings or investments can be just as damaging.
Common examples include:
In higher-income households, this can also include undisclosed investments — such as private funds, alternative assets, or speculative opportunities — that were never discussed or agreed upon.
Regardless of the form, the underlying issue remains the same: secrecy replaces shared decision-making.
While every relationship is different, some warning signs of financial infidelity that tend to occur:
None of these guarantees wrongdoing, but together, they often point to a deeper breakdown in trust. In most cases, the remedy is similar to the treatment for any sort of deception or infidelity: honesty.
If financial infidelity has occurred, the path forward rarely begins with spreadsheets or rules. It begins with understanding.
Before initiating a difficult conversation, it can be helpful to reflect honestly on why secrecy felt necessary in the first place. What emotions were driving the behavior? Fear? Shame? A desire for control or independence?
From there, open conversation is essential. That includes acknowledging what happened, understanding why it happened, and recognizing how trust was affected.
Financial infidelity recovery often requires new agreements, such as:
In some cases, involving a neutral third party can be helpful. A financial advisor experienced in behavioral finance can help couples slow the conversation down, clarify intentions, and create space for more productive dialogue.
Counseling or therapy may also play an important role, particularly when long-standing money beliefs or relational patterns are involved.
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner hides or withholds important financial information or decisions from the other, thereby eroding trust in the relationship.
Not always. Sometimes secrecy stems from fear, embarrassment, or learned behavior rather than malicious intent, but the impact on trust can still be significant.
Yes. Overcoming financial infidelity typically requires honesty, a shared understanding of why it happened, and new agreements that rebuild trust over time.
Regular conversations, shared goals, transparency, and, when helpful, guidance from a neutral professional can make money discussions more productive and less emotionally charged.
Financial infidelity in marriage is a complex and emotionally charged topic, but ignoring it rarely makes it better.
Repeated secrecy can erode trust over time. Addressed honestly, however, it can also be a turning point, an opportunity to understand one another more deeply and move forward with greater clarity and partnership.
If money has become a difficult or avoided topic in your relationship, working with an advisor who understands both the financial and human sides of decision-making can help foster more productive conversations and healthier financial habits.
Please reach out to our team of advisors to discuss how we can assist you and your partner as you plan your financial future together.
Bankrate Financial Infidelity Survey
CRN202901-10426359
Shane Tenny, CFP®, is the Managing Partner of Spaugh Dameron Tenny and a nationally recognized financial advisor. Since 2000, he has combined extensive financial knowledge with a passion for behavioral finance—helping clients make informed decisions based on both data and mindset. Shane often contributes to industry publications, appears as a guest on podcasts, and has been a leader in the financial planning field for years. He is known for making complex topics clear and practical for busy, high-income professionals seeking personalized advice they can trust.
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