Shane Tenny, CFP®, shares five money questions that will help you better understand your partner's financial history, upbringing, and relationship with money. They might even help you better understand your own money values, too.
Transcript:
[00:00:12.250 --> 00:00:28.990] Hi there, Shane Tenny with Spaugh Dameron Tenny today to talk about a really important money conversation that you can have with your spouse. As financial planners, we're fortunate to participate in hundreds of money conversations with our clients each year.
[00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:42.900] For some couples, money is a natural topic that's pretty easily organized and navigated, but for others, money and, conversations about it, and subconscious assumptions can be real points of friction.
[00:00:43.420 --> 00:00:46.499] Money matters can make or break a relationship.
[00:00:46.510 --> 00:00:53.700] And yet a lot of couples shy away from discussing finances leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
[00:00:53.860 --> 00:01:11.419] And we want to help you and your spouse work together better by understanding each other's money personality. You see, in our experience, there are five money questions that will really help you better understand your partner's financial history, their upbringing, and relationship with money.
[00:01:11.630 --> 00:01:16.370] And they might even help you better understand your own money values, too.
[00:01:16.550 --> 00:01:22.469] So, what are they? Well, the first question is a great big one to just open the topic.
[00:01:22.530 --> 00:01:25.390] Question number 1: What are your goals with our money?
[00:01:25.870 --> 00:01:44.299] Whether you're in a relatively new relationship of commingling your finances or whether you've been together for decades, opening with a question just about your partner's goals and priorities is a really helpful one to get a better understanding of what they view as important.
[00:01:44.850 --> 00:01:50.289] Question number 2: What's your perspective on our debt situation?
[00:01:50.800 --> 00:02:02.479] Now, if you're new in a relationship, this question can help uncover different areas of debt they may have or be bringing into the relationship, whether it's past student loans or credit cards or car debt.
[00:02:02.690 --> 00:02:08.860] If you've been together a while, you may have incurred a lot of debt together, say houses or businesses.
[00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:23.149] But this gives you a chance to understand from your partner's perspective how important is the debt? How much discomfort is it causing them? How big a priority do they feel repaying the debt is?
[00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:28.569] Question number 3: What did you learn about money growing up?
[00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:38.809] For all of us, our formative years are important as we frame a concept of money and its impact on ourselves and the world.
[00:02:39.150 --> 00:02:44.399] In some of our households. We learned subliminal messages around scarcity.
[00:02:44.530 --> 00:02:55.580] Maybe there's not enough money. Maybe your parents lost a job early on, and you became very aware of a shortfall and a fear around not having them up enough.
[00:02:56.280 --> 00:03:04.210] For others. You may grow up with subliminal messages that money is plenty or easy to come by, or a valuable commodity.
[00:03:04.370 --> 00:03:13.730] There's no right or wrong. The important thing is just to better understand the hard wiring, which your spouse and you are bringing into your relationship.
[00:03:14.550 --> 00:03:18.969] Question number 4: What does your leisure spending look like?
[00:03:19.380 --> 00:03:30.070] Again, for a new relationship? This will help you better understand your partner as you gain an idea of what they view as important.
[00:03:30.230 --> 00:03:38.880] The key in this question around leisure spending is that it removes all of the things that we have to use money for rent, car payments, cell phone, Netflix.
[00:03:38.920 --> 00:03:42.470] And it helps us focus on what do you really see as valuable.
[00:03:42.580 --> 00:03:54.060] Does your leisure spending involve shopping spree? Does it involve travel? Does it involve some other item that's really important to their value system and economy?
[00:03:54.090 --> 00:03:58.880] And then it gives you a place to come together and look for common areas of interest.
[00:03:59.340 --> 00:04:05.700] And number 5: In an ideal world, how would you like to handle our money together?
[00:04:06.720 --> 00:04:15.880] Particularly if money has been a source of stress or just discomfort. This can be a helpful way to open this up the topic without judgment.
[00:04:16.570 --> 00:04:20.300] You're essentially asking based on your perspective.
[00:04:20.450 --> 00:04:33.070] What do you think would be an effective way to handle our money to accomplish the goals that we have together. Certainly goals around paying our bills, but also goals around building wealth or protecting what we've obtained.
[00:04:33.700 --> 00:04:48.909] Remember, these conversations should happen regularly as your financial situation and goals evolve. Open, honest, frequent communication about money can strengthen your relationship and help you build a secure financial future together.
[00:04:49.150 --> 00:05:02.509] And if you need help, our team of financial planners at Spaugh Dameron Tenny are knowledgeable in behavioral finance and would love to help you make a plan for financial and relational success.
[00:05:02.950 --> 00:05:05.100] Thanks. We'll see you back here next time.
