On this episode of the Prosperous Doc ®, our host Shane Tenny, CFP® welcomes Dr. Stern to talk about how his experience of personal loss has helped him become a more compassionate and empathetic doctor who can help more people.
Dr. Joseph Stern was accustomed to helping patients face some of the toughest times of their lives.
But when his sister was diagnosed with advanced leukemia, he realized what it was like to be on the other side of the doctor-patient relationship — and gained some crucial insights along the way.
To Dr. Stern, grief is a part of life that everyone will experience at some point. This begs the question: why don’t we take an honest and community-oriented approach to dealing with it? Too often, he says, doctors gloss over the intense emotional aspects of their job. Ultimately, that avoidance leads to problems.
“I think a lot of times doctors burn out, not because of the intensity of the emotions, but because of all the effort that they put into avoiding them,” Dr. Stern says.
On this episode of the Prosperous Doc ®, our host Shane Tenny, CFP® welcomes Dr. Stern to talk about how his experience of personal loss has helped him become a more compassionate and empathetic doctor who can help more people.
Dr. Stern talks about how he is working to change the medical field to be more compassionate, focusing less on procedures and more on relationships and quality of life. After his experience grieving the loss of his sister after being with her through such a tough illness, his outlook has shifted toward one of empathy and compassion — and this is something he says everyone can do without much effort.
“Empathy actually doesn't take much time, it's not like you have to devote more time. I think it’s a common myth: people think, well, if I'm going to be empathic, that means I have to see fewer patients, and I have to spend more time (with each of them),” Dr. Stern says. “No: it means making eye contact, it means listening — not just blurting things out. It means being more of a partner and less of a position of authority.”
Name: Dr. Joseph Stern
What he does: Dr. Stern is a board-certified neurosurgeon and author. He is also the co-director of the Cone Health Brain Tumor Program, specializing in brain tumor surgery, stereotactic radiosurgery, spinal surgery, and functional neurosurgery. His memoir “Grief Connects Us: A Neurosurgeon’s Lessons on Love, Loss, and Compassion,” explores how grief and loss helped him break down the emotional armor that can hinder incorporating compassion and empathy in a doctor-patient relationship.
Words of wisdom: “An important take-home message is that grief does connect us all. We are all linked together.”
Top takeaways from this episode
[04:17] A personal experience: Dr. Stern says that once his sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer, his relationship to the medical field changed, and he started seeing things from a new perspective.
[10:38] Tough conversations: Dr. Stern’s personal experience with his sister’s illness and death drove home the fact that doctors need to be prepared to have tough conversations. Being honest about hard things ultimately makes them easier to get through.
[17:37] Emotional avoidance leads to burnout: Medical professionals are facing massive burnout every day. To Dr. Stern, one of the ways to stay afloat in this field is to confront the tough emotions that you face daily in your field instead of trying to push them out of your mind.
[20:47] Practice self-compassion: Dr. Stern says that embracing self-compassion and empathy, especially in such a cutthroat field, is the first step to showing compassion for others.
[23:30] Doctors without compassion: Dr. Stern says that he thinks one of the top problems in the medical field, hurting patients and doctors alike, is when doctors lack compassion for their patients.
[29:34] Reading recommendations: Dr. Stern recommends the book “Compassionomics” by Stephen Trzeciak and Anthony Mazzarelli for anyone who wants to know more about why compassion is so important.
[30:58] Teaching the new generation: Dr. Stern talks how he is working to change the way medical students are taught so they don’t have to go through a personal crisis in order to be a vulnerable and compassionate medical professional.
[34:57] Patients’ responsibility: While the structure of the medical industry is changing thanks to people like Dr. Stern, he says that patients might have to take the initiative to insist on good communication with their doctors in the meantime.
[38:24] Good relationships are key: Dr. Stern mentions his relationships with people like Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who wrote the introduction to his book, as being crucial for his growth and success in the medical profession.
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Disclaimer: Prosperous Doc podcast by Spaugh Dameron Tenny highlights real-life stories from doctors and dentists to encourage and inspire listeners through discussions of professional successes and failures in addition to personal stories and financial wellness advice. Spaugh Dameron Tenny is a comprehensive financial planning firm serving doctors and dentists in Charlotte, NC. To find out more about Spaugh Dameron Tenny, visit our website at www.sdtplanning.com. You can also connect with our host, Shane Tenny, CFP at shane@whitecoatwell.com or on Twitter.
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Top quotes from the episode:
[04:17] “One of the things that quickly happened to me was I discovered how utterly terrifying it is to be a patient and how your life gets totally turned upside down when you're dealing with a mortal illness.”
[20:47] “If I'm going to humanize my relationship with patients, I have to humanize my relationship with myself, I have to be more tolerant of myself, I have to be more forgiving of myself. And that's a hard lesson, because I think we (doctors) tend to be very hypercompetitive, hypercritical, perfectionistic, and those things are sort of dead ends. The detachment and distance doesn't work, the perfectionism doesn't work, either.”
[23:30] “I see the ravages of doctors who aren't compassionate, and don't have vulnerability or empathy for their patients. I think they tend to over-operate, do sometimes unnecessary procedures, objectify patients, and treat them as economic units. There's a lot of evil things that can happen.”
[37:01] “I think that a life of compassion is a more rewarding one, and it's a more giving and generous one, and it provides better care for patients, but it will also lead to a richer life for you.”